Thank you. I hope that you have found some happiness too
So I decided to take my girlfriend to Myrtle Beach in SC for a week as her birthday present, because I’m badass like that, and had one of the best weeks of my life. The manager liked us and gave us an upgrade to a 3 bedroom condo for free, instead of -20 degrees, it was 70 degrees, and I got to spend a week with a girl that still manages to surprise me and make me feel like I’m falling in love with her every time I’m with her.
We had our first problem since we started dating, and honestly I thought it wasn’t going to end well, but she surprised me and we talked it out in about 15-20 minutes lol I love that about her. I can talk to her and not have to worry about picking the right exact words and watching what I’m saying. I can tell her how I feel about something, and It’s not immediately wrong. When I talked to her about what was bothering, she looked me in the eye and asked me what she could do to make things better because she doesn’t want anything to come between us. Rather than tell me I’m an asshole or its my fault, she asked me what made me feel that way and why, so she could avoid doing those things. For the first time, I feel like im in a real relationship, where we’re a team that respects each others feelings and try to work together to make it work. There’s nothing better than that.
I lost my ability to trust and I hate the feeling it causes.
"We can get naked but I’ll never let you undress my heart" -Halestorm
There are times in our lives where we can see the other sets of footprints that are next to us. We can see the ones behind us and in front of us. And we can see the sets of foot prints that might be a couple feet away from ours, reminding us that someone else is walking the path we’re walking and going through the same thing. This is one of those times that I don’t want to see any foot prints but my own. This will only last a couple days, maybe a week, but I’m at a point where I have no idea what to do or think and so I need to find my own path on my own. I need to take the first steps by myself, even if that means going in a different direction. It’s my set of foot steps, and so I should get to decide the mark they leave.
Lol I really guess I dont stay attached to people. I’ll be gone before you know it.
Ive been telling myself that I just want a break from life and some time alone for like 2 months now. I finally got a night with no homework, no work, nothing to really do, and now I wanna go out or do something lol im laughing at myself because I think I just need this semester to be over. It’s been hell, and its about time that I should be able to take a breath without feeling overwhelmed at exhaling. I made myself some hot chocolate, put on a movie, and have my puppy chillin with me, but I’m restless. My body is so used to spending every minute of everyday doing something that I don’t know how to relax anymore lol and im not even mad about it, I just wish I could seriously enjoy the “me-time” that I have right now without worrying about school and work. My mind keeps going back to my cousin and I keep making myself angry at the things he said. We’ve gone a long way and it really surprises me how much he’s changed. I wish him all the best and success in the world, but he never seems like he’s happy or at peace. He masks his insecurities with cockiness and confidence. He’s put up walls and hes learned not to get attached to anything. I can understand how he feels, and that’s why I can understand that on the inside he’s not happy or at peace. He feels like he works and works but keeps getting the short end of the stick, and almost as if it doesn’t even matter if he tries. I’ve been there before, and hey we all have at one point or another. As much as I dont agree with the things he said to me, and as much as hes really disrespected me and we’re not talking right now, I still want him to find himself and the happiness hes looking for. I’ll always be there for him and I know if I needed him he’d be there for me. Hes like my brother, and it hurts me to see when he’s hurting. He needs to step away from his path for a little while and just sit and look at things and figure out what he wants. Figure out why hes so angry on the inside.
Thank you. I hope that you have found some happiness too
You look at the past, and you think Wow. Wow because it was what you knew, what you were comfortable with. You could call it home. But then something new comes along. Something scary and exciting. Something that you don’t know if you’re good enough for, if you’re ready for. The next thing you know, you look at the past and you still think, Wow. Wow because maybe it was a mistake. Maybe it was a lesson. Maybe it was something you should have never let go. Maybe it was the best thing to ever happen to you. Just Wow.
My past was a lesson for me. I learned to love someone, but to hold back my love until I feel they deserve it. I’ve learned to fight for the ones I care about, but to only fight if I feel they’ll fight for me too. I’ve learned to let someone in, even though the last person I confided in broke my trust and told me I was hopeless and then stopped talking to me. It was a lesson that broke me down so that I could pick myself up piece by piece and put myself together the right way this time.
And I look at some of the people from my past, and it’s hard to imagine that they’re just as unhappy or fake as they were when I was still in their lives. In fact, a couple of people really held me back. What have I done since my mother died? Since my last girlfriend left me for another guy? Since my dog passed away? Since my best friend got addicted to drugs and I can barely talk to him the same way? At first, I fell apart. I slept in. I didn’t want to go outside. But one day I woke up and I was angry because I was tired of being unhappy. I was tired of focusing on things that ruined my mood. I went outside, and for the first time in almost a year, I ran. In that time up until now, I’ve continued running. In fact I run 4 - 5 miles 5 times a week. I started doing mixed martial arts with a kickboxing legends and UFC fighters. I got the body I always dreamed of. I got a promotion at work. I got straight A’s in school. I made friends that were positive influences on me and made me happy. I met a new girl because of those friends and I couldn’t be happier than I am now. I’ve been with her for over 5 months and we haven’t had a single argument. In fact, our first small problem was who would pay for food at a diner because I wouldn’t let her. I’ve moved into a new house in south jersey with 6 beaches all within 2 miles of the house.
I look at the people that were in my past and see them still complaining about the same things. Still complaining about how they can’t stand themselves. Still complaining about how their life sucks. Still asking me to drugs with them. And just like my past, I walk away from them. I don’t need them anymore.